1 July 2009

Movie Review: The Hottie and the Nottie


F

The Hottie and the Nottie
2008, 91mins, PG-13
Director: Tom Putnam
Writer: Heidi Ferrer
Cast includes: Paris Hilton, Christine Lakin, Joel Moore, The Greg Wilson, Johann Urb
Release Date: 8th February 2008


Dear Tom Putnam,

I just watched your 2008 comedy “The Hottie and the Nottie”, you know.....the one that starred Paris Hilton and absolutely nobody liked? If you could power your little brain to rewind as far back as February of last year you will recall that your film was critically reviled, flopped at the box-office and managed to briefly be named the worst movie of all time by the IMDB in accordance to their voting system. Well I’ve got one piece of good news, as I write this review you’re now only ranked as the 53rd worst film of all time! Score!

Anyway back on topic. I deliberately avoided your movie for over a year but the other night at the video store I just couldn’t resist giving it a rent, sometimes watching a train wreck can be amusing you see. However little did I know how painful an experience it would be and you should be ashamed that the people largely took their anger out on Miss Hilton. Sure her acting sucks and she seems to have about 23 brain cells but she’s not the real architect of this heinous cinematic crime, is she? No the real villains are you and writer Heidi Ferrer. Let me explain why.

1.The casting was really crap Tommy. Joel Moore as a comic lead? Paris Hilton as an engaging and sympathetic love interest? A fucking comedian who goes by the name “The Greg Wilson”!!!? Seriously dude Paris either beat your balls from her position as producer or you don’t have a clue as to how a motion pictures thespian needs should be assessed. The one thing I will give you props for is Christine Lakin as the so called “Nottie”. She was actually okay.

2.This one is directed at Heidi. Your script is meant to be a romantic comedy, yet it is neither funny nor touching and promotes a truly ugly message. I mean the film essentially says you can find the right guy....with appropriate amounts of cosmetic surgery. That’s a cool message to be sending all the insecure 16 year old girls of the world Heidi. You’re a credit to your sex. Plus as I said before your romantic comedy script......disgracefully unfunny.

3.The clichés!!!!! Oh the clichés!!!!!! So many of your jokes where not just vile but also worked from familiar templates and the character conception was simply laughable. A hunky European guy who turns out to be a jerk? I think I’ve literally seen that in 40% of the movies I’ve ever watched. A virginal girl with physical defects? That one is probably more like 60%. A hyper kinetic geek who wants to get the girl? Getting higher by the minute. In fact now I think about it your movie is basically just a copy of “She’s All That” which was in turn just a low rent version of Pygmalion. Sweet.....your story is a third hand retelling. God Heidi, you’re a talented scribe.

4.Back to Tom. Did you just turn on the camera and do your best to point it in the direction of your actors? How about lighting? Atmosphere? Keeping your crew out of shot? No??? You didn’t know about these things? Well sadly it shows.

5.Pacing is clearly a problem for you. This script probably has about 7 minutes worth of watchable plot in it. Instead you drag it out to 91 minutes. I literally wanted to gouge my eyes out about 25 minutes into your film Tom, because by that point it was already like three times to long.

I suppose Paris deserves a mild spanking for actually putting money into this thing, but then again it’s already clear she’s a little lacking in the IQ department. Blaming her for this is like scolding a 2 year old for farting. It’s not going to make any difference. Still based on your directorial effort you’re either equally as moronic, were artistically whipped by Miss Hilton or are just the laziest hackiest director in the world. It’s probably a little bit of all three.

Thanks for Reading,

Daniel

P.S. Incase you haven’t realised I thought your movie blew.


A review by Daniel Kelly, 2009

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